[PJ]

Wham! The doors to the building flew open, and a small winged boy stood between them. He stepped inside, and looked over the inside of the store.

“Beware, mortals! I, Petxansca Inxhotar have taken this lowly coffee shop for my own nefarious purposes! All opposed to my rule, step forward!”

Even if he says that, though, would it really be possible for somebody as puny as him to do anything?

[PJ]

“Petxansca Inxhotar”, “Petxota”, or “PJ”. Your choice.
Also, anything really, really important should be listed on my profile.

[PJ]

“No railroading. If somebody doesn’t want to be included in what you’re doing, that’s final.”

Have fun trying to kill everybody.

[PJ]

PJ let out a low growl. He’d been found by the Cap’n, which could have very well been one of the very last things he wanted to do on the island. As the one responsible for the shipwreck approached him, he stood up, averting his eyes from the captain. “I don’t know what you want to do on our new ‘adventure’—but I could go for some beef jerky, or even some food from my homeland.” He hoped that, at the very least, it would goad Cap’n into looking for something for his so-called friend. With a sigh, he made his way away from the shore, heading towards the center of the island, and then propping himself up against a tree as he rested.

[PJ]

The devil lay still in the sand.
To an outside observer, it wouldn’t be immediately evident if he was unconcious, or if he was just lounging in the sun like a cat on a windowsill.
After a minute or so, his spaded tail swung from one side to another twice, and he let out a low groan into the sand. PJ rolled over onto his back, looking up into the sky.

“Whose idea was this trip?” He asked, barely audible. He placed his hands at his sides, and sat up, looking over the horizon for anybody who didn’t quite make it to shore yet, or even another ship. “Maybe I can just hide someplace until this blows over.”

[PJ]

And you don’t have to immediately disregard constructive criticism.

I do appreciate that you at least acknowledge that your work isn’t perfect, but throwing a temper tantrum is not the proper response.

[PJ]

Ugh. This is a trainwreck of the English Language.

This does not qualify as a chapter, or, rather, a “part”. This is no more than 124 words. This would not be accepted as a complete chapter ANYWHERE good. The only places that would accept this as a fanfiction, are those that have no quality control at all.

First of all, your grammar could use work. The first “Americas” should be “America’s”, since it’s possessive.
There should be a space after all punctuation. I see no space between the first exclamation mark and “your”.
Speaking of “your”, that should be “you’re”. I’m not going to bother with the rest.

Your writing is also horribly… ‘nondescript’. A reader should be able to easily visualize the scene taking place. As far as I know, they could be in some slum. All that we’re told is that they’re in America’s house. No description as to what his house looks like. They may be hovering over a deadly pit, for all I know.